I was on one of my trips to Beirut and found myself going through my things and came across a “cahier de poésie” from grade two. It’s those notebooks where you write the poem on the left and illustrated it with a drawing on the right. I was reading through it and trying to remember the poems or trying to figure out what I tried to draw on the right.
On the last page I saw that I wrote two paragraphs: the first was in 1999 (14 years old) and the second was in 2002 (17 years old). While reading these two paragraphs, I found myself smiling and sometimes giggling. What I wrote, how I wrote it and how opinionated I was. Then I tried to figure out what was happening back then for me to find the urge to write these paragraphs.
What I realized is that I have always been a reflective person. Self-critical. Sometimes had impulsive reactions. I was so happy that I had written these two paragraphs and found them years later so that I could remember what I was thinking and how my logic and reasoning worked.
The thing is I don’t know why I wrote them in the first place. Maybe I just needed to make myself clear to myself – go figure! Today I’m glad I found them and I’m happy I wrote them and it encourages me to keep on writing. Just like I’m doing now for my future me and not necessarily for a specific audience. I had a good laugh when I read that notebook, there were many other notes but I’ll go through them another time – was a very confused teenager #imreallysorrymom.
PS: my thoughts on the topic haven’t changed, I do want to get married and kids:)